I'm noticing the side bar which frequently makes me paranoid. I hate to live the life of a people pleaser but there are just some things that bother me.
I have said on a few occassions, "It kills me to say this." What I mean by that is that I break my heart. Don't misunderstand it for something that is untruly perverse.
Think about it, someone you love. Someone who has been in your life for a long time and who has supported you at times and someone that you have loved at one time. In my sense, I'm speaking of a platonic paternal love. (This is where I think the misunderstanding is).
I almost feel like it is the scene in the movie Troy with Brad and Hector. Not exactly, but there are some times in life when it feels that way. Especially with what I said to my parents. In the past, it may have not been the greatest relationship. It may not have been functional. It may not have been spotless of abuse. But, I did love my parents.
To hate on them the way I do (even though there may be some cheerleaders) it does kill me to say some things. I realize what I say. Its not some quick to anger ramble that I spout off with. It is sincere issues that sometimes takes years to recognize.
